Halley's Comet

Struggling is the hardest feeling for Ben that makes him want to give up. 

He is good at hiding his feelings, but not good at romance. Ben himself doesn't believe in true love. He thought it was ridiculous. 

This time he sat in his brother's room, biting his fingernails until they were dull. Ben looked restless, his face was a mess, he hadn't slept for a week. Messy enough that there were dark circles under his eyes. 

"Are you okay?" 

Ben didn't turn his head towards the voice, he was still busy biting his fingernails. He looked very anxious. 

"Take care, I'm leaving." 

The door closed, leaving Ben alone in the room with his anxiety. 

He threw himself on the bed. Ben let out a rough sigh. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his anxious heart. 

This was strange. He never felt this anxious. The image of a girl always crossed his mind. He felt like screaming. How strange. 

Shouldn't he take responsibility for his situation? 

♠♤♠ 

Ben was busy sketching in his old notebook. His brother hadn't returned from work yet, and this made Ben quite lonely and bored. 

Toto was Ben's only friend when he needed to pour his heart out. Ben didn't open up much even with his own family. 

Tonight Ajax asked for an appointment around the city park, and Ben agreed. 

Ajax arrived three minutes early. He waited by the van that selling an ice cream. 

"Sorry I'm late, Toto was sulking when I wanted to leave." 

Ajax didn't respond; he knew Ben wasn't lying about Toto. Because he had also seen Toto sulking like a real person. 

The two of them sat in front of the coffee shop. Ajax told them about the concert yesterday afternoon, which was quite short. The concert didn't last until late at night as promised because the city was suddenly crowded with officers. 

Ajax didn't seem very excited when he told the story. He was always calm, but this time he was quieter than usual. 

"You...there's no problem, right?" 

Ben was starting to get a little worried about Ajax who was too calm. He knew Ajax must be going through something, but he was reluctant to tell him. 

It was unusual for Ajax to ask for an sudden appointment like this. 

Ajax shook his head slowly. He looked at Ben reassuringly, assuring his friend that he was okay. 

"Why did you ask for an sudden meeting like this? It's not like you're the one I know." 

"I just felt bad yesterday that you couldn't go to the concert with the others, but I'm quite grateful that you didn't" 

Ben knitted his eyebrows. What did Ajax mean by he was grateful that he didn't go to the concert with the others? 

Ben's focus was distracted by the presence of a girl who had just come into the shop. Ajax turned his head, taking notice of the girl. 

"Ah...are you in love?" 

Ben suddenly looked back at Ajax. His eyebrows furrowed slightly but he returned a faint smile. 

"What are you talking about? I just pay attention to a girl and say I'm in love?" 

"You've never paid attention to anyone other than your talking bird." 

Ben was chuckle by Ajax sentences. This kid had a sharp mouth but was also entertaining. 

♠♤♠ 

It's been two months since Ben met the girl he saw the other day. 

Ben began to ask questions about her situation. This girl made Ben uncomfortable. Wouldn't it be rude to always think about a girl he didn't even know? 

"Toto...I think I like this girl..." 

Ben changed his sleeping position to his stomach and faced Toto. He sighed, getting no response from Toto. 

"But, I dare not reveal it. I've only talked to her once. Even though we've been seeing each other a lot lately, it's awkward to say hello, she's a strange girl in my eyes, and I'm the same in her eyes...aren't I?" 

Toto just babbled incoherently for a few seconds, and get a lazy sigh from Ben. Toto wasn't helping. 

Ben was getting more and more restless by the day. His feelings for the girl were getting stranger and stranger. Ben didn't want to. He didn't want to like this girl, but in his heart he seemed to be more honest, and he had to admit that he liked it when he saw her around. 

Ben sighed. He decided to go to bed, not wanting to bother his mind. 

♠♤♠ 

"What's wrong with you?" 

Ben's reverie was interrupted when Matt nudged him lightly on the shoulder. He only showed his stupid grin as Matt looked at him in surprise. 

"You've been daydreaming a lot lately, Ben." 

Marc, who was also watching, began to speak up. 

"Ben is in love." 

A judgmental look was directed at Ajax. Aidan who had been trying to resist his sleepiness was obviously refreshed. The three men asked Ben for an explanation of Ajax's blunt comment. 

"Seriously, Ben's in love?!" 

Aidan exclaimed disapprovingly, more in disbelief of Ajax's statement just now. 

Ben picked up his notebook and smacked Ajax lightly on the head. Ajax just chuckled. 

"You believe what this nerd says?" 

Ben protested, disagreeing with being slandered by Ajax. 

Matt still showed his judgmental gaze. He seemed to have more believe in Ajax than Ben. 

"I don't like anyone" 

"So, why have you been daydreaming so much lately?" 

There was concern on Marc's face. Because he had never seen Ben this calm. If Ben was in love, shouldn't he tell him if he was uncomfortable? 

Ben didn't answer Marc's question. Lately there is indeed something that disturbs his mind. But Ben wasn't in love. He had no intention of being attracted to someone. 

A girl walked into the same classroom as Ben. Ben's gaze couldn't look away from her. 

The girl was sitting right next to him when the school bell rang. Her appearance looked graceful and elegant. Strangely, Ben felt tight and regretful when he saw the girl. 

♠♤♠ 

"Riley?" 

"Huh?!" 

Another judgmental look was thrown at Ajax. This time Ben just staring at Ajax, not understanding what he meant. 

The other three looked surprised when Ajax mentioned the name of the girl rumored to be favored by this maniac gaming. 

The look on Matt's face showed disbelief. Ben was not the type to like elegant and graceful girls, he knew very well what Ben was like. But why did his taste turn to Riley? 

"Are you really okay?" 

Matt tried to confirm once again. Is this what Ben called his love? 

Ben looked at Ajax in surprise. Because he never told anyone about it except his favorite parrot. 

"I'm just guessing..." 

Ajax's innocent face was shown to his three friends who were in confusion. Marc's hand immediately landed on Ajax's shoulder, pushing him gently. 

"Can't you keep us from going crazy? Love-stricken Ben is weird, but you don't need to bother adding how weird he is if he likes Riley." 

A small chuckle was all the four people got from Ajax. Ben was still staring at Ajax in confusion. His gaze was directed out of the classroom afterward. 

He honestly didn't want to bother thinking about the girl. After all, he would also be at ease if Ben didn't trick him again. But Ben felt guilty. He should have accompanied the girl, not left her behind. 

♠♤♠ 

"Are you coming?" 

Ask the tall man who is sitting next to him. The other three men seemed to be waiting for Ben's answer for the most votes. 

"Yeah, I don't have any plans after school." 

The youngest threw his fist into the air in excitement. He showed a sense of victory through his happy expression. 

"Haha! Ben's on our side." 

Matt sighed. He was quite disappointed with Ben's decision. But after all, it was an agreement for the losers to follow the rules of the winners. 

Aidan packed his things, he left the classroom first with Ajax, followed by Matt and Marc. Ben was still packing his things. He took out his headphones from his bag to plug his ears with his favorite music. 

Five boys still wearing their school uniforms went down the street in the afternoon. They were going to a small concert on the edge of town. 

Ben approached Ajax who had stopped to buy a drink. He noticed the menu displayed beside the beverage van. 

"What did you buy?" 

"A drink, can't you read?" 

Ben chuckled at Ajax's answer. It seemed that Ajax was quite upset about losing the bet. 

"I ordered the same thing as you." 

Ajax nodding. 

"What are you guys doing?" 

"Buying drinks, can't you read?" 

Aidan was speechless with Ben's answer, he felt a little stupid with the question he asked, even though his intention was just to make small talk. 

"Ben's just kidding." 

Marc put his arm around Aidan and chuckled. Seeing him with such an innocent face, felt sorry for him. 

"Watch your mouth, Ben" 

The one who was told only chuckled lightly. He ordered the same three drinks for his three friends who had just arrived later. 

"They said the concert is until late" 

"What if we're late?" 

Marc was silent. He looked at Ben who had been busy with his cell phone. 

"You've ordered the tickets, right, Ben?" 

His response was just nodding while still busy playing social media on his cellphone. 

"Let's cancel the concert, the view tonight is a shame to miss" 

Matt looked up at the darkening sky. He took out his cell phone to take some portraits of the beautiful evening sky. 

Marc chuckled in annoyance. He took Matt's cell phone and turned it off. 

"You think concert tickets are cheap?" 

"Tsk, Ben doesn't mind. It's just a cheap beachside concert anyway..." 

Marc's brows furrowed and his eyes widened, disagreeing with Matt's opinion. He turned to Ben, expecting a response. 

"It would be a shame if we didn't go to the concert, Matt. I don't really want to either, but shouldn't we waste our money?" 

Ajax sipped his drink. He turned to Ben who was still engrossed in his cell phone. 

He turned away from his phone screen and looked at the road. The afternoon sky had begun to darken. Ben was a little worried because no one was guarding his house at the moment. He took out a piece of ticket paper from his pants pocket. 

"You guys just go without me. I have to get back home because there's no one to feed Toto." 

Ben ran after giving his ticket to Marc. He waited for the bus to his house. The streets were still quite busy. Cars passed by on the city streets. Matt didn't lie about the darkening evening sky. It was beautiful to look at with the naked eye. 

Ben took out his cell phone, about to take a picture of the suburban scenery with the beautiful sky. But his attention was distracted when he saw a girl on the side of the bridge. 

Ben quickly ran towards the girl to stop the action. He forcibly pulled the girl's arm back until she fell into his arms. 

The girl was crying. 

"Are you okay?" 

Asked Ben trying to calm the girl down as her sobs began to subside. 

No answer was forthcoming, the girl made no sound at all. Her sobs subsided and she clenched her fist tightly around Ben's school shirt. 

Ben had no intention of finding out more, but it felt like he had to. 

"What's your name?" 

"....Claire..." 

Ben stood up, offering his hand to the girl to help her up. 

"Need a favor?" 

Ben's question was answered with a slow shake of her head. Claire looked disoriented and frightened.

Ben squatted down again and gently pulled her up. Her grip on Ben's shirt was getting stronger. Ben was a little worried, but he didn't want to take any chances. Ben had no idea who is this girl was. 

Ben's brows furrowed as he noticed the wound on her left forehead. His hand reflexively touched the wound gently. It seemed to be fresh. 

Claire winced when the wound was touched. She pushed Ben away from her. 

Ben reflexively apologized and kept his distance. Ben was honestly curious, but he didn't want to interfere with the affairs of other people he didn't even know. 

Both of them were silent, not speaking or looking at each other. 

Claire climbed back up the bridge barrier in a hurry, but was intercepted again by Ben. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her back. 

"Are you crazy?" 

Claire rebelled to be released from Ben's embrace, but Ben had no intention of letting her go. 

"Let go! I want to jump!" 

"There's no trampoline down there, this isn't a bungee jump ride!" 

Ben had a little trouble keeping Claire from escaping his embrace. He brought her away from the bridge barrier. He released his embrace when she calmed down a bit. 

"If you want to go to the bungee jump I'll take you, but it's not here." 

Claire turned away from Ben. She had no intention of looking at the face of the man who had just foiled her plans. She stared at the river from the bridge, her hands clutched on the railing. She let out a rough sigh. 

"Go away. I won't try to jump again." 

Ben didn't move. He doubted Claire would not. 

"Go away!" 

Claire snorted. She was annoyed that her plan had failed. Plus Ben didn't seem to be leaving her. 

Ben went across, keeping an eye on Claire so she wouldn't try to jump again. He returned with a cup of drink. 

Claire looked strangely at Ben. Her brows furrowed slightly when she saw the drink that was handed to her. 

"For you, so it doesn't get too hot" 

"Huh?" 

"This drink helps your brain to work cooler" 

Claire let out a rough breath. She stared at the darkening scenery. 

"There's no need to bother" 

"What kind of person who rejects a gift given for free?" 

"You're so noisy. I didn't ask for your help." 

Ben was silent for a long time. He left Claire because he felt there was no need to calm her down anymore. He put his drink on the ground in case she wanted to change her mind. 

♠♤♠ 

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me? You're so fucked up, Ben." 

"I already told you, Jax. That's more than enough to ease my guilt." 

Ajax paused, unsure of how to respond. He couldn't handle this messed up Ben alone. He needed Marc. 

"I hope you don't end up taking your own life too, Ben" 

Ben chuckled lightly. He wouldn't be so stupid as to end his life. That would be running from his guilt, not facing it. 

♠♤♠ 

"Gosh, Ben, what's wrong with your face?" 

There was no response from the one who became the attention now. Ben just ignored Marc who was sitting next to him. 

"You should tell me if you have a problem, Ben. It's not good to keep it to yourself." 

Ajax joined in. He was also a little worried about Ben's condition which was getting worse day by day. 

"You haven't slept for how many days huh?!" 

Ben's gaze was blank. He didn't answer Matt's question. His face was haggard, not as energized as usual. He was in worse shape than yesterday. 

"Never mind, Ben, it's not your fault, never mind..." 

Aidan chimed in. 

"Is it that bad, being in love?" 

"Ah, so this is about the girl you saw at the coffee shop the other day?" 

Ben still didn't respond. He sighed and closed his eyes briefly. 

"I'm fine, no need to worry." 

Ben smiled sweetly, trying to reassure his best friend that he was fine. 

♠♤♠ 

It's been almost a week since Ben slept. He daydreamed more than he did anything useful. 

Ben bit his fingernails, not paying attention to his surroundings and still busy with his daydreams. 

His brother looked worried, concerned about his brother's messy state. 

"Are you okay?..." 

Ben was still busy with his nails. His appearance was chaotic and sad. In fact, he would be perfect for a psychiatric hospital. 

"I'm going...take care..." 

The door closed. Leaving Ben alone in his brother's room. 

Ben threw himself on the bed. He kept trying to calm himself down from the anxiety he had been suffering for the past three months. 

It was like he was going crazy. He liked ghosts. 

The news of the death of a girl who jumped off a bridge was highlighted by the media. Ben stared at the TV screen blankly and listlessly. 

He always saw Claire everywhere. Her presence made Ben feel even more guilty. Plus the image of Claire who always comes in his dreams and says 'thank you'. 

Ben was unsettled. Did Claire get where she wanted to be? Ben should have saved her that day, instead of leaving her. 

♠♤♠ 

Author note: 

-This story is inspired by Billie Eilish song; Halley's Comet. This story made when I'm on my struggling time, where I feel denial with my own feelings about liking someone that  didn't even know that i'm exist. [FA]

-Jaksn